My How Things Change...

So... where to begin?
Let's begin with God, seeing as He's the Beginning and the End.
He's amazing. I said and believed horrible things about Him, making accusations of unrighteousness against the epitome of right. I'm sorry. I love You.
Self abuse.. a scary subject, no? I still struggle. But not as much. And my struggles are not with going too far, or too deep, but with keeping myself from all of it. It is very seldom now that I break. For that I thank God and Matt.
Which brings me to my next update.
Matt.
He is... my world. My love. The man God chose to bless me with the moment I got my head screwed back on right. My fiance, and most importantly, my best friend.
I figure that covers everything you ("you" being whomever might possibly actually read this drivel) already knew.
And seeing as God is also the End, I shall end with this.
God is love. Corny. Said many times and ways. But true. When we curse His name, he loves us. When we fall, He either picks us back up, or allows us to lie there until we realise we *need* Him to pick us up. He allows us to find love, and He takes it away. And then, when we think it's over, He showers us with it. His love. Others' love. The love of a Godly man (or woman ^_^). He keeps us in check, reminding us that without love, we are destitute. We are nothing. Without His love, we are dead.

And now that I've answered unasked questions and proclaimed my new found love for God in the most corny way I can, I bid you adeu.

*sigh*

I feel like shit.

So... new song, check it out.

Yay Planet Wisdom!!!

Okay, so I wrote this for a Planet Wisdom thing in just under ten minutes and I wanted to post it. It's on my wordpress too, so yeah... for having written it in ten minutes I feel it's pretty good.

You touch Your hand,
To my cheek,
I turn my face away.
Words of love,
Are what You give,
But I simply will not stay.
I fear Your love,
And all it brings,
It’s hard for me to give in.
To this Force,
Which calls my name,
And pleads again, and again.
“Come home, sweet child,
And take My hand,
You know that I would do,
Anything,
To make you mine,
I’ve given My life for you.”
I can not,
I will not,
I musn’t give in to this,
I love these dreams,
And ways of mine,
They will not be dismissed!
And yet Your love,
Calls soft and low,
And begs me turn Your way,
I love You? I hate You?
I need some more time?
I know not what to say.

...

O.K.

So if you've just found this blog, you might be wondering why I posted so many things in one day... or maybe you aren't. Oh wells. The reason is because all of these poems and sad excuses for poems have been sitting in my note book waiting to be posted but I couldn't post them on my wordpress or my other blogger, thus the very existence of this blog. And now that I have answered a question that nobody was asking, I bid you all a fond farewell.

~Kenyn

Monotonous Agony (name is subject to change)

*warning. yet again, not that good, and yet again, has a cuss word*

My mind is monotonous agony,
A seething pit of despair.
I look in the direction,
Of my reflection,
But I see nothing there.
It's bleak and utterly desolate,
No mind; No heart; No soul.
This torturous mess,
Of nothingness,
Has truly taken it's toll.
I won't allow myself to cry,
For fear I could not quit,
All hope is gone,
The night drags on,
I'm tired of all this shit.
Save me from myself.

Changing Her Outlook

*warning. this poem is really crappy and includes a cuss word.*

She falls down the stairs,
As she thinks of her life,
What was once fear of death,
Now has new light,
If death means peace,
Then why should she fear?
If the stairs don't do it,
How about the pier?
With this new look on life,
Or rather, lacking it,
Why should she keep
Putting up with this shit?
24/7 access,
To all kinds of meds,
Maybe it wouldn't,
Be that bad to be dead.


(Like I said, it's pretty crappy.)